More matrimonial traits

In which we witness more Indian Matrimonial Traits.

Act 1

Scene 1

A coffee bar in urban India, in which the protagonists, The Young Lady (TYL) is meeting the Geek From Wharton (GFW) for the first time. They initially made contact through Bharat Matrimony (an Indian 'matrimonial portal'), have been chatting online for a while, and are meeting for the first time.

GFW looks like an erstwhile winner of the National Spelling Bee who's been stretched from end to end, all chubby cheeks, the beginnings of a paunch, thick vintage Rayban spectacles, long limbs and carefully combed, shiny black hair. There are three tiny flecks of dandruff running down the left side of his head. His profile says he's 30 years old, is interested in Vedanta, political philosophy, economic theory and Tamil literature. He describes himself as 'modern and liberal, but respectful of ' my cultural heritage and traditions'. He has, however, specified that 'only prospective partners from the same caste will be considered'.

TYL is 27 year old, tall, dusky classical dancer from Kalakshetra, who also has a Master's in Psychology. She is interested in Modern Dance, fusion forms and child psychology. She teaches both Dance and Psychology and does some work with street children.

They've been talking for a while. The parts of this conversation that seem surreally bizarre can be put down to what is rather misleadingly known as 'Indian culture'. The same one TGW is so respectful of.

TGW: Rather abruptly and out of the blue, ' So you don't mind moving over to the States, huh?'

TYL: Caught unawares, since this is their first meeting, ' I will, if I have to, but I'll have to plan my career..... , like explore what options are available and all that. I want to continue dancing, and teaching if I can'.

TGW: ' Hey, that shouldn't be a hassle. Plenty of Bharatnatyam and stuff over there. You could take classes for all the kids from our community, our folks are really careful about preserving the culture n' all that, y'know. After all, it's just dance, not a PhD in Wharton.... now, that's tough, oh yeah. Ask me!' Rolling his eyes slightly and laughing.

TYL: Coldly polite, ' Can you dance?'

TGW: A bit thrown by this unexpected question, ' Huhh, me? No, no. I can do some salsa 'n stuff, really cool, salsa, have you tried it?'

TYL: ' I meant Bharatnatyam'.

TGW: Suddenly aware of a nip in the air, ' Oh nah, no, I mean, no, me? I leave that to the ladies, I mean, the experts....' trailing off, laughing uncomfortably.

TYL sips her masala tea, and thinks, 'Maybe he's just a bit dumb, he seemed nice enough before this.... or maybe he just doesn't have too many social skills. And I can sort that out soon enough, and the dandruff in a week. I can get him a better haircut, that shouldn't be a problem. I'd better be nice to him. Mummy thinks he's a good catch'.

TGW: 'My mother's into Carnatic music and Bharatnatyam and stuff, y'know. She goes to a lot of sabhas. You should meet her, she's great, my mom,' shaking his head fondly, 'Amazing lady, my mom. You should try her dosas, out of this bloody world, man, nothing beats my mom's cooking. She's a real toughie, my mom is, but I 'm the apple of her eye, y'know... ' winking.

TYL: ' Hey, I forgot to ask, what does your mom do?'

TGW: 'Er, what does she do? Well, she's a housewife, but is into a lot of other stuff as well, like......' trailing of , suddenly unsure of what to say. And then, ' Y' know , my dad being so busy with the firm and all that, she had to stay at home and make sure everything went allright, she's very capable, y'know. Like, there's a maid and a gardener and stuff, but someone has to keep an eye on everything. She's very particular about stuff being done efficiently, and... I'll have to run you past her, of course' (shrugging).

TYL: Carefully, 'What'd'you mean, run me past her?'

TGW: 'Well, my mom has the final say on who me n' my bro' marries, I mean, not that I can't decide for myself, it's just that she's very sensitive about horoscopes and things', shifting uncomfortably.

TYL: Irritated and amused at the same time, 'And what about you, do they believe in horoscopes at Wharton?'

TGW: 'Er, nooo, naahh, I mean, it's just my mom, I don't believe in all that shit. Like the caste thing, though there's something to that, I mean it helps if you're from the same background and... It's just to keep her happy.....' A drop of sweat breaks from his forehead and starts to trickle down, slowly.

TYL: 'And what if our horoscopes don't match?'

TGW: 'Er, well, I don't know.... She's very particular....' There's sweat on his upper lip by now. ' It's kinda warm in India isn't it? I mean, it's always warm in India, but today is kinda hot, I mean it's not like Pennsylvania...' trailing off. Then, 'I think I need something cold, I mean, to drink, I'll go get something, how 'bout you?' pushing his chair back and heaving himself up hurriedly.

TYL: 'No, I'm fine, thank you.'

TGW returns with an iced Granita, smiles at TYL, sits down and thinks, 'I'd better divert the topic quickly, this is going nowhere. The babe's hot, man, I should get a coupla dates out of her even if the bloody horoscopes don't match'.

TYL: Smiling sweetly, 'That should cool you down. Now, tell me, what if the horoscopes do match and your mother doesn't like me?'

TGW: ' Well, I, er, let's not think about that, let's be positive about us. What're you doing tomorrow evening?'

TYL: 'I have plans. But coming back to your mother, what if we eventually like each other, the horoscopes match, and then she doesn't like me?'

TGW: 'Well, we haven't quite come to that, have we? Ha ha! I mean, let's get to know each other first. How about next weekend?'

TYL: ' Let's just say that I don't want to waste my time with a no-hoper horoscoped mama's boy from wherever. Which is why I'm asking you all these questions. So?'

TGW: Sweating profusely by now, 'Er, so what?'

TYL: 'So, nothing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a show to go to. '

To read Part 1 of this story, click here.

Link glossary of terms: Vedanta, Caste, Kalakshetra, Bharatnatyam, Carnatic music, Sabha

The question of identity

I've spent the past few weeks being examined by assorted medical greybeards and then, more interestingly, getting involved in this conference (Thanks to Sunny Hundal for the pdf).

Panellists involved the polymaths Paul Gilroy and Tariq Ramadan, the incisive Dinesh Bhugra, Yasmin Alibhai-Brown (who left without debating her rather provocative ideas), Charles Husband and a galaxy of luminaries (refer pdf, if interested).

Paul Gilroy spoke of the inevitability of multiculturalism as a means of economic survival and how the experience of being a Black man in Hoxton has progressively changed for the better.Tariq Ramadan, a sparely elegant theorist, and a profoundly modern Islamic thinker, was the clear public favourite, coming in on both days and leading a breakout session on the second day- titled 'Multiple Identities- perceptions of the self'. Tariq spoke of Western politicians struggling to retain relevance in policy vacuums by creating a culture of fear (the world is full of terrorists, you aren't safe, let us protect you by taking away some more of your liberties, let's point fingers at any available aspect of non-Western life that appeal to the your basest fears e.g. the veil and hence, create some more resentment and some more terrorists so that we can remain relevant). Charles Husband spoke of the 'liberal' media's discomfiture with the sudden realization that minorities that used to be disempowered and therefore, could be benevolently patronized (you poor disempowered sod, come, let me hold your hand and lead you to a better place) are now on level terms in many areas of human activity. And actually competing, winning and buying up chunks of the economy, creating a profound internal tension that dare not speak it's name openly, but takes form in organized, subtle demonizations of the Other. He also, interestingly, pointed out how secularism can be as implacably dogmatic as any religion. Sunny and Tariq spoke of the impact of Globalization on social justice and the progressive marginalization of the White working class. Sunny also spoke of the poisonously reactionary culture of self-appointed, unrepresentative 'leadership' that bedevils ethnic minorities in Britain.Yasmin Alibhai-Brown spoke of the common threads between oppressions e. g. of religion and feminism. Dinesh Bhugra spoke of the profound impact of migration and social alienation on rates of mental illness in general and schizophrenia in particular, in people of all ethnicities across the board.

A common thread in my conversations throughout the conference, with people as disparate as English Professors of citizenship, Norwegian economists and South African journalists was the Idea of India as the classic multicultural template. Come to think of it, despite the constant sense of a society waiting to explode under the weight of its contradictions, we actually haven't, for well nigh 59 years, despite the best attempts of the retreating Empire, extreme Hindu nationalism, fanatic regionalism and opportunistic parochialism. Though, as the Lady, a veteran of conflicts, disasters and conferences of this sort, keeps telling me, we can't afford to be complacent at all. Absolutely. But still, there is something there to be proud about.

And finally, Tariq Ramadan asked us this profoundly searching question- in a globalized world, is the Question of Identity ever as simple as 'I am Western and you are not?' Or even 'I am a Muslim/Christian/Hindu/Buddhist/Rastafarian and you are not?'

No.

Not for me, nor for probably anyone at the Conference, for this was the idea that drew the most approval from this multicultural, international gathering of some of the most influential voices of these and coming times.

And so, let me try and list my identities as they come into my head-

1. I am a Londoner;

2. I am an Indian;

3. I am a health professional;

4. I am a doctor;

5. I am an academic;

6. I am an artist;

7. I am an athlete;

8. I am a tri-religionist; one by birth, another by upbringing, and a third by inclination;

9. I am a partner and a lover;

10. I am a man;

11. I am a socialist capitalist and democrat, in the sense that I believe that capitalism can be harnessed to ensure social justice;

12. I am an economist by aspiration;

13. I am a liberal and a libertarian; and finally (since I need to get some sleep)

14. I am also what each one of you see me as.

So, before I sign off, what are you?


P.S. We are trying to get a podcast of the Conference organized and I will link if this works out. If. Update: Until that happens, here is the New Generation Network's Manifesto on Race and Faith.

Eat it, baby!

Tim Hames is eating some crow 'n lovin' it. Pass the man some more Tabasco, will ya?

On a totally unrelated note, I confess to being a bit mad about Courtney Love, and specifically, her voice. Goes to show that occasional forays into Murdoch territory can turn up interesting stuff, like Courtney wanting to sleep with Yeats. Bring Hole Back. Again, thanks to Mr. Hames for inviting me to watch him eat, a vision rendered all the more pleasant by Courtney's presence in the neighbourhood.

Final solutions

The so-called "Final Solution of the Jewish Question" ("Endlösung der Judenfrage") refers to the strategic plan to undertake systematic genocide against the European Jews during the second World War. The term was coined by Adolf Eichmann, the Nazi war criminal who was later caught, tried and executed by Israeli authorities. The expression reflected the Nazi belief that the Jewish European population (along with the Roma, the disabled, the infirm, people of alternate sexuality and assorted others who didn't fit into their plans to establish a 'pure' Aryan state) itself posed a' question' and a 'problem'.

"Our priorities in government would be to establish a proper process of decision-making" and push through "a strategic vision for the final solution of how Israel will look in 20 or 25 years' time ... It's not only an issue of territory and borders but of the character of the state - will it be a Zionist state, a Jewish state, or a state like others? I want it to be a Jewish state."says Avigdor Lieberman, the deeply racist, Russian speaking ultra-rightwing new deputy-prime minister elect of Israel, speaking to the Guardian.

Funny choice of words, that.