More matrimonial traits
In which we witness more Indian Matrimonial Traits.
Act 1
Scene 1
A coffee bar in urban India, in which the protagonists, The Young Lady (TYL) is meeting the Geek From Wharton (GFW) for the first time. They initially made contact through Bharat Matrimony (an Indian 'matrimonial portal'), have been chatting online for a while, and are meeting for the first time.
GFW looks like an erstwhile winner of the National Spelling Bee who's been stretched from end to end, all chubby cheeks, the beginnings of a paunch, thick vintage Rayban spectacles, long limbs and carefully combed, shiny black hair. There are three tiny flecks of dandruff running down the left side of his head. His profile says he's 30 years old, is interested in Vedanta, political philosophy, economic theory and Tamil literature. He describes himself as 'modern and liberal, but respectful of ' my cultural heritage and traditions'. He has, however, specified that 'only prospective partners from the same caste will be considered'.
TYL is 27 year old, tall, dusky classical dancer from Kalakshetra, who also has a Master's in Psychology. She is interested in Modern Dance, fusion forms and child psychology. She teaches both Dance and Psychology and does some work with street children.
They've been talking for a while. The parts of this conversation that seem surreally bizarre can be put down to what is rather misleadingly known as 'Indian culture'. The same one TGW is so respectful of.
TGW: Rather abruptly and out of the blue, ' So you don't mind moving over to the States, huh?'
TYL: Caught unawares, since this is their first meeting, ' I will, if I have to, but I'll have to plan my career..... , like explore what options are available and all that. I want to continue dancing, and teaching if I can'.
TGW: ' Hey, that shouldn't be a hassle. Plenty of Bharatnatyam and stuff over there. You could take classes for all the kids from our community, our folks are really careful about preserving the culture n' all that, y'know. After all, it's just dance, not a PhD in Wharton.... now, that's tough, oh yeah. Ask me!' Rolling his eyes slightly and laughing.
TYL: Coldly polite, ' Can you dance?'
TGW: A bit thrown by this unexpected question, ' Huhh, me? No, no. I can do some salsa 'n stuff, really cool, salsa, have you tried it?'
TYL: ' I meant Bharatnatyam'.
TGW: Suddenly aware of a nip in the air, ' Oh nah, no, I mean, no, me? I leave that to the ladies, I mean, the experts....' trailing off, laughing uncomfortably.
TYL sips her masala tea, and thinks, 'Maybe he's just a bit dumb, he seemed nice enough before this.... or maybe he just doesn't have too many social skills. And I can sort that out soon enough, and the dandruff in a week. I can get him a better haircut, that shouldn't be a problem. I'd better be nice to him. Mummy thinks he's a good catch'.
TGW: 'My mother's into Carnatic music and Bharatnatyam and stuff, y'know. She goes to a lot of sabhas. You should meet her, she's great, my mom,' shaking his head fondly, 'Amazing lady, my mom. You should try her dosas, out of this bloody world, man, nothing beats my mom's cooking. She's a real toughie, my mom is, but I 'm the apple of her eye, y'know... ' winking.
TYL: ' Hey, I forgot to ask, what does your mom do?'
TGW: 'Er, what does she do? Well, she's a housewife, but is into a lot of other stuff as well, like......' trailing of , suddenly unsure of what to say. And then, ' Y' know , my dad being so busy with the firm and all that, she had to stay at home and make sure everything went allright, she's very capable, y'know. Like, there's a maid and a gardener and stuff, but someone has to keep an eye on everything. She's very particular about stuff being done efficiently, and... I'll have to run you past her, of course' (shrugging).
TYL: Carefully, 'What'd'you mean, run me past her?'
TGW: 'Well, my mom has the final say on who me n' my bro' marries, I mean, not that I can't decide for myself, it's just that she's very sensitive about horoscopes and things', shifting uncomfortably.
TYL: Irritated and amused at the same time, 'And what about you, do they believe in horoscopes at Wharton?'
TGW: 'Er, nooo, naahh, I mean, it's just my mom, I don't believe in all that shit. Like the caste thing, though there's something to that, I mean it helps if you're from the same background and... It's just to keep her happy.....' A drop of sweat breaks from his forehead and starts to trickle down, slowly.
TYL: 'And what if our horoscopes don't match?'
TGW: 'Er, well, I don't know.... She's very particular....' There's sweat on his upper lip by now. ' It's kinda warm in India isn't it? I mean, it's always warm in India, but today is kinda hot, I mean it's not like Pennsylvania...' trailing off. Then, 'I think I need something cold, I mean, to drink, I'll go get something, how 'bout you?' pushing his chair back and heaving himself up hurriedly.
TYL: 'No, I'm fine, thank you.'
TGW returns with an iced Granita, smiles at TYL, sits down and thinks, 'I'd better divert the topic quickly, this is going nowhere. The babe's hot, man, I should get a coupla dates out of her even if the bloody horoscopes don't match'.
TYL: Smiling sweetly, 'That should cool you down. Now, tell me, what if the horoscopes do match and your mother doesn't like me?'
TGW: ' Well, I, er, let's not think about that, let's be positive about us. What're you doing tomorrow evening?'
TYL: 'I have plans. But coming back to your mother, what if we eventually like each other, the horoscopes match, and then she doesn't like me?'
TGW: 'Well, we haven't quite come to that, have we? Ha ha! I mean, let's get to know each other first. How about next weekend?'
TYL: ' Let's just say that I don't want to waste my time with a no-hoper horoscoped mama's boy from wherever. Which is why I'm asking you all these questions. So?'
TGW: Sweating profusely by now, 'Er, so what?'
TYL: 'So, nothing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a show to go to. '
To read Part 1 of this story, click here.
Link glossary of terms: Vedanta, Caste, Kalakshetra, Bharatnatyam, Carnatic music, Sabha
Act 1
Scene 1
A coffee bar in urban India, in which the protagonists, The Young Lady (TYL) is meeting the Geek From Wharton (GFW) for the first time. They initially made contact through Bharat Matrimony (an Indian 'matrimonial portal'), have been chatting online for a while, and are meeting for the first time.
GFW looks like an erstwhile winner of the National Spelling Bee who's been stretched from end to end, all chubby cheeks, the beginnings of a paunch, thick vintage Rayban spectacles, long limbs and carefully combed, shiny black hair. There are three tiny flecks of dandruff running down the left side of his head. His profile says he's 30 years old, is interested in Vedanta, political philosophy, economic theory and Tamil literature. He describes himself as 'modern and liberal, but respectful of ' my cultural heritage and traditions'. He has, however, specified that 'only prospective partners from the same caste will be considered'.
TYL is 27 year old, tall, dusky classical dancer from Kalakshetra, who also has a Master's in Psychology. She is interested in Modern Dance, fusion forms and child psychology. She teaches both Dance and Psychology and does some work with street children.
They've been talking for a while. The parts of this conversation that seem surreally bizarre can be put down to what is rather misleadingly known as 'Indian culture'. The same one TGW is so respectful of.
TGW: Rather abruptly and out of the blue, ' So you don't mind moving over to the States, huh?'
TYL: Caught unawares, since this is their first meeting, ' I will, if I have to, but I'll have to plan my career..... , like explore what options are available and all that. I want to continue dancing, and teaching if I can'.
TGW: ' Hey, that shouldn't be a hassle. Plenty of Bharatnatyam and stuff over there. You could take classes for all the kids from our community, our folks are really careful about preserving the culture n' all that, y'know. After all, it's just dance, not a PhD in Wharton.... now, that's tough, oh yeah. Ask me!' Rolling his eyes slightly and laughing.
TYL: Coldly polite, ' Can you dance?'
TGW: A bit thrown by this unexpected question, ' Huhh, me? No, no. I can do some salsa 'n stuff, really cool, salsa, have you tried it?'
TYL: ' I meant Bharatnatyam'.
TGW: Suddenly aware of a nip in the air, ' Oh nah, no, I mean, no, me? I leave that to the ladies, I mean, the experts....' trailing off, laughing uncomfortably.
TYL sips her masala tea, and thinks, 'Maybe he's just a bit dumb, he seemed nice enough before this.... or maybe he just doesn't have too many social skills. And I can sort that out soon enough, and the dandruff in a week. I can get him a better haircut, that shouldn't be a problem. I'd better be nice to him. Mummy thinks he's a good catch'.
TGW: 'My mother's into Carnatic music and Bharatnatyam and stuff, y'know. She goes to a lot of sabhas. You should meet her, she's great, my mom,' shaking his head fondly, 'Amazing lady, my mom. You should try her dosas, out of this bloody world, man, nothing beats my mom's cooking. She's a real toughie, my mom is, but I 'm the apple of her eye, y'know... ' winking.
TYL: ' Hey, I forgot to ask, what does your mom do?'
TGW: 'Er, what does she do? Well, she's a housewife, but is into a lot of other stuff as well, like......' trailing of , suddenly unsure of what to say. And then, ' Y' know , my dad being so busy with the firm and all that, she had to stay at home and make sure everything went allright, she's very capable, y'know. Like, there's a maid and a gardener and stuff, but someone has to keep an eye on everything. She's very particular about stuff being done efficiently, and... I'll have to run you past her, of course' (shrugging).
TYL: Carefully, 'What'd'you mean, run me past her?'
TGW: 'Well, my mom has the final say on who me n' my bro' marries, I mean, not that I can't decide for myself, it's just that she's very sensitive about horoscopes and things', shifting uncomfortably.
TYL: Irritated and amused at the same time, 'And what about you, do they believe in horoscopes at Wharton?'
TGW: 'Er, nooo, naahh, I mean, it's just my mom, I don't believe in all that shit. Like the caste thing, though there's something to that, I mean it helps if you're from the same background and... It's just to keep her happy.....' A drop of sweat breaks from his forehead and starts to trickle down, slowly.
TYL: 'And what if our horoscopes don't match?'
TGW: 'Er, well, I don't know.... She's very particular....' There's sweat on his upper lip by now. ' It's kinda warm in India isn't it? I mean, it's always warm in India, but today is kinda hot, I mean it's not like Pennsylvania...' trailing off. Then, 'I think I need something cold, I mean, to drink, I'll go get something, how 'bout you?' pushing his chair back and heaving himself up hurriedly.
TYL: 'No, I'm fine, thank you.'
TGW returns with an iced Granita, smiles at TYL, sits down and thinks, 'I'd better divert the topic quickly, this is going nowhere. The babe's hot, man, I should get a coupla dates out of her even if the bloody horoscopes don't match'.
TYL: Smiling sweetly, 'That should cool you down. Now, tell me, what if the horoscopes do match and your mother doesn't like me?'
TGW: ' Well, I, er, let's not think about that, let's be positive about us. What're you doing tomorrow evening?'
TYL: 'I have plans. But coming back to your mother, what if we eventually like each other, the horoscopes match, and then she doesn't like me?'
TGW: 'Well, we haven't quite come to that, have we? Ha ha! I mean, let's get to know each other first. How about next weekend?'
TYL: ' Let's just say that I don't want to waste my time with a no-hoper horoscoped mama's boy from wherever. Which is why I'm asking you all these questions. So?'
TGW: Sweating profusely by now, 'Er, so what?'
TYL: 'So, nothing. Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a show to go to. '
To read Part 1 of this story, click here.
Link glossary of terms: Vedanta, Caste, Kalakshetra, Bharatnatyam, Carnatic music, Sabha
posted by nevermind at 11:55 AM
13 Comments:
As it shows again, the guys have it so much easier..there are enough great girls. But the girls have to search so much before they find that phenomenally rare being called a good guy. ;-D
Kudos to your relative for not giving up the quest. Waiting for the finale of this story; the happily everafter. :)
~N.
goodness!! she sounds brave and intelligent. and confident. bad combination if you want a good guy in my opinion. few mommies will like her and few sons as well. and they'll all try and 'tone her down'. as you can see...am my sunshiny optimistic self this morning!!!
however, despite my ominous forecast (may it be horribly wrong), hope she keeps the chutzpah and her sense of self. good luck to her!
Will these arranged marriage interactions NEVER change? Will the Wharton Type guys continue to be such chauvinistic, patronizing, dumbasses who're yet to be weaned away from mommy?
TYL Rocks!! I think the "Can you dance?" question was a gem!
:D
P.S. Hello! How've you been? I've finally resurfaced from months of unending drudgery :)
I've actually been doing quite a bit of research on this topic and the changing views of marriage in the Indian culture.
I'd like to find out what role the Internet and matrimonial websites have in this shift from traditional to non-traditional views on arranged marriages. If anyone would like to tell me their views on this topic, please go to:
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.asp?u=418632875376
and fill out a survey.
You're bang on about them fucking horoscopes. To paraphrase a friend, whose ladylove's mum got started on horoscopes once: 'Dude, like how the fuck can some fat priest who hasn't met me even once decide whether I can keep her happy or not?'. I didn't have an answer to that one. No sir.
Hilarious retelling of an akward situation, this post. That said, I disagree with N's diagnosis above; my minor experience in the related game tell me that inanity is not the exclusive domain of the male sex, Wharton or no. :)
N, absolutely. She has decided that she 'doesn't have time for any more losers'. Maybe that's the beginning of her happily ever after;-)
Nikita, will get her to read your comment:-)
Heyyy Vij, was beginning to wonder where you'd disappeared. Great to have you back :-)! Actually, we got drunk and had a go at imagining how he'd dance.
Hi jenga, good going and good luck. But your link goes nowhere.
Wt, now that's exactly what I was getting at, but er, tried to do politely. But then I can always trust you to speak my mind for me:-D
Sashi, welcome. Oh yeah, I'd partly agree, but heck, I've got a vested interest here.
Oh, I'm with Wharton guy on this. Astrology IS a science, it uses a lot of math. And his mom is just protecting him from evil independent women with minds of their own.
Argghhh!
Unrelated, but I make awesome dosas. At least I have, once. The dosas themselves broke, but the filling and the sambar were both awesome.
i once tried speed dating for a feature story.. man, if you think matrimonial coffee is awkward, try it in 60 seconds times ten.. at least there's no time to bring mums into it :-D
Raindrop, ;-D Maybe you should do that PhD in Astrology. Re: the dosas, we'll just have to take your word for it, won't we?
Sac, I want to study the social anthropo-psychology of speed dating! Thanks for the idea, mate;-)That's my next research protocol. Show me the money. MRC, here I come!
Yes, certainly. :)
Btw, there was an addition to the last discussion on your previous post, in case you didn't get there.
~N.
Oh, bugger! Cheers N, hadn't seen that.
OOOH, must get more details on this guy so can laugh at him (silently) when we meet - and perhaps ask him to dance (perhaps the salsa?). am also doing a phd at wharton and would LOVE to know who this is!
n!
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