A world of convenience
I was at an unusual family 'reunion' of sorts a few weeks ago. A cousin of the Lady's was in town, having flown in from across the pond to conduct workshops for the few City types still left standing. We had never met until the woman in question materialized from the blue, cluttering my mailbox with gushing e-mails about how she was "so looking forward to finally meeting you". I had been warned over many years that she was rather egocentric, unworldly and self-centred, even by the rigorous standards of 'bright' second generation Indian Americans brought up by doting, academically and financially successful parents. Think National Spellig (sorry, spelling) Bee. The Lady (who wasn't around) called me to say that I was under no pressure to meet her, stating clearly that she wouldn't be "remotely bothered if you didn't". I was quite busy and was in two minds whether to go, but ultimately my curiosity got the better of me.
It helped that ' young cleancut frighteningly successful soon-to-be partner in old English lawfirm-Aussie Indian cousin with GSOH who married the same woman 3 times in 3 different continents, in a magically different and thoroughly romantic way' was also in the e-mail loop. Being as nice (he is actually a nice chap, as is his thrice-wedded wife), he responded to my deliberate e-mail silence by setting up an evening out at a Central London restaurant located strategically close to my flat. Which meant that I had to go. The Young Lady, who cordially hates Miss Boston and had informed me that she wouldn't, also turned up, responding to my quizzically raised eyebrow with a "The bitch is family, after all". Fair enough, I thought, though in a throroughly Indian sort of way.
As expected, Miss Massachussetts turned up 45 minutes late, during which time the lawyer cousin, TYL and I shot some nice breeze outside Lillywhites. Of course, being Indian or partly thereabouts as we were, we occupied ourselves by bitching about our imminent relative. When she eventually arrived, she was accompanied by a Vietnamese-American friend who was working for Lehman Brothers at the time (Not), and who quickly established herself as a top contender in the shallow stakes.
A few pints of Asahi and some pricey masala dosas down the line, this charming duo commenced to drop several pearls in succession. The most priceless of which I must share with you, my dear non-existent readers.
1) Miss Boston: " They want to send me to Holland and Nigeria, besides London. I've told them I am not going to Nigeria. Who in their right minds will go to Nigeria? Or anywhere in Africa for that matter. Though (giggle) I might consider doing the safaris".
2) Miss Lehman: "When my brother and I used to go to Vietnam as kids, our cousins used to come and touch us and say you look sooooo tall and fair, y'know, because we are half-American, my brother and me, so we look different. These people were soooo creepy, but we couldn't do anything, because they were relatives, y'know? Ughh".
3) Miss Lehman: "People say that it would have been much better for the world to stay divided between the haves and have-nots y'know, though it seems such a cruel thing to say. The world just doesn't have enough resources for all those people in Asia to become middle-class y'know? Though that means that they'd have to stay poor, but they are used to it, unlike us, if you look at it objectively. Things will just collapse if they all want to consume and drive cars and build houses unless our living standards then go down to compensate, which would be terrible".
The last was a bit too much for me, and I mildly pointed out that 10 fewer brands of bread in Tesco or Waitrose wouldn't leave anyone exactly hungry in the West, a hint she refused to take. TYL, listening in livid disbelief, looked like she might start throwing plates any minute. Which meant that I had to get a bit more explicit and use the word 'obscene' with reference to the sheer range of stuff available in Western supermarkets and their actual, terrifyingly profligate, energy-wasting sizes, when Miss Lehmann got the hint.
I hope she had all her share options invested with her nice employer.
It helped that ' young cleancut frighteningly successful soon-to-be partner in old English lawfirm-Aussie Indian cousin with GSOH who married the same woman 3 times in 3 different continents, in a magically different and thoroughly romantic way' was also in the e-mail loop. Being as nice (he is actually a nice chap, as is his thrice-wedded wife), he responded to my deliberate e-mail silence by setting up an evening out at a Central London restaurant located strategically close to my flat. Which meant that I had to go. The Young Lady, who cordially hates Miss Boston and had informed me that she wouldn't, also turned up, responding to my quizzically raised eyebrow with a "The bitch is family, after all". Fair enough, I thought, though in a throroughly Indian sort of way.
As expected, Miss Massachussetts turned up 45 minutes late, during which time the lawyer cousin, TYL and I shot some nice breeze outside Lillywhites. Of course, being Indian or partly thereabouts as we were, we occupied ourselves by bitching about our imminent relative. When she eventually arrived, she was accompanied by a Vietnamese-American friend who was working for Lehman Brothers at the time (Not), and who quickly established herself as a top contender in the shallow stakes.
A few pints of Asahi and some pricey masala dosas down the line, this charming duo commenced to drop several pearls in succession. The most priceless of which I must share with you, my dear non-existent readers.
1) Miss Boston: " They want to send me to Holland and Nigeria, besides London. I've told them I am not going to Nigeria. Who in their right minds will go to Nigeria? Or anywhere in Africa for that matter. Though (giggle) I might consider doing the safaris".
2) Miss Lehman: "When my brother and I used to go to Vietnam as kids, our cousins used to come and touch us and say you look sooooo tall and fair, y'know, because we are half-American, my brother and me, so we look different. These people were soooo creepy, but we couldn't do anything, because they were relatives, y'know? Ughh".
3) Miss Lehman: "People say that it would have been much better for the world to stay divided between the haves and have-nots y'know, though it seems such a cruel thing to say. The world just doesn't have enough resources for all those people in Asia to become middle-class y'know? Though that means that they'd have to stay poor, but they are used to it, unlike us, if you look at it objectively. Things will just collapse if they all want to consume and drive cars and build houses unless our living standards then go down to compensate, which would be terrible".
The last was a bit too much for me, and I mildly pointed out that 10 fewer brands of bread in Tesco or Waitrose wouldn't leave anyone exactly hungry in the West, a hint she refused to take. TYL, listening in livid disbelief, looked like she might start throwing plates any minute. Which meant that I had to get a bit more explicit and use the word 'obscene' with reference to the sheer range of stuff available in Western supermarkets and their actual, terrifyingly profligate, energy-wasting sizes, when Miss Lehmann got the hint.
I hope she had all her share options invested with her nice employer.
posted by nevermind at 8:03 PM
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